Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Phrases I'm sick of hearing, and my responses.

"Wow, are you sure there's just ONE baby in there?"
-YES you Moron!
Then I punch them in the face.

"(with a sad, pathetic look on their face) Awwww, ANOTHER girl...well, maybe you can try again for a boy?"
-Uh, we weren't 'trying' for a boy. We just wanted another child.
Then I punch them in the face.

"No baby yet??? When are you due again?"
-Yeah, I had her last week. I'm just still a bit bloated.
Then I punch them in the face.

"You look great! You're all baby. I mean, the rest of you looks the same."
-I seriously doubt you mean that, and actually, unless I birth a 30lb baby, I DID gain everywhere else as well. But thanks.
Then I punch them in the face.

"(while making a tisk tisk sound with their mouth) Girl, I was there once. I know how you feel. When I was pregnant with my first son, he's 25yrs old now, I was as big as you."
-Really? Thanks.
Then I punch them in the face.

"Is this your first?" -No, third.
"Oh, well, how old are your other two?" -2 and 5.
"WOW, you're about to have your hands full!"
-No, really?
Then I punch them in the face.

"(this from a random male hair dresser or post office worker) So, are you going to deliver naturally or get a c-section?"
-First of all, I think you mean, 'Vaginally', go ahead, say it, 'V-A-G-I-N-A-L-L-Y.' It sounds like V-A-G-I-N-A. Vagina, vagina, vagina...BOO! Secondly, IT'S NONE OF YOUR STINKIN' BEEZ WAX, MISTER!!!
Then I punch them in the face.

"I bet it sucks being pregnant in the summer?"
-No, it's actually quite nice and comfortable. I wear a black swimsuit to the beach/pool and people throw raw fish at me because they think I'm Shamu. Then I punch them in the face.

"Sweety, you need to take it easy and get some rest. Here in a few weeks you won't have much time for sleep."
-I'm a freakin' stay-at-home-Mom to two children under 6yrs old. When on earth do you expect me to 'take it easy' or 'get some rest'?!?!? Oh, and BTW, I haven't slept since 2003! So bite me! Then I punch them in the face.

...to be continued


Candy said...

hahaha this post made me laugh out loud. And then I punched them in the face! :)

Sara said...

I'm laughing too! hahaha! And I am so glad it's you and not me! Wait...don't punch me in the face! hahahaha!