Rae: Mommy, I pooped in the potty.
Me: Oh, good.
Rae: Don't I get some chocolate now?
Me: Well, didn't Daddy already give you chocolate?
Rae: Yes. But YOU didn't. I came to tell you I need YOU to give me chocolate too.
Me: Really?
Rae: Yes. I came to tell you, Mommy, I need chocolate from you because
I POOP FOR CHOCOLATE!
Me: (getting up to give her a piece of chocolate) Now THAT would make a good bumper sticker.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Phrases I'm sick of hearing, and my responses.
"Wow, are you sure there's just ONE baby in there?"
-YES you Moron!
Then I punch them in the face.
"(with a sad, pathetic look on their face) Awwww, ANOTHER girl...well, maybe you can try again for a boy?"
-Uh, we weren't 'trying' for a boy. We just wanted another child.
Then I punch them in the face.
"No baby yet??? When are you due again?"
-Yeah, I had her last week. I'm just still a bit bloated.
Then I punch them in the face.
"You look great! You're all baby. I mean, the rest of you looks the same."
-I seriously doubt you mean that, and actually, unless I birth a 30lb baby, I DID gain everywhere else as well. But thanks.
Then I punch them in the face.
"(while making a tisk tisk sound with their mouth) Girl, I was there once. I know how you feel. When I was pregnant with my first son, he's 25yrs old now, I was as big as you."
-Really? Thanks.
Then I punch them in the face.
"Is this your first?" -No, third.
"Oh, well, how old are your other two?" -2 and 5.
"WOW, you're about to have your hands full!"
-No, really?
Then I punch them in the face.
"(this from a random male hair dresser or post office worker) So, are you going to deliver naturally or get a c-section?"
-First of all, I think you mean, 'Vaginally', go ahead, say it, 'V-A-G-I-N-A-L-L-Y.' It sounds like V-A-G-I-N-A. Vagina, vagina, vagina...BOO! Secondly, IT'S NONE OF YOUR STINKIN' BEEZ WAX, MISTER!!!
Then I punch them in the face.
"I bet it sucks being pregnant in the summer?"
-No, it's actually quite nice and comfortable. I wear a black swimsuit to the beach/pool and people throw raw fish at me because they think I'm Shamu. Then I punch them in the face.
"Sweety, you need to take it easy and get some rest. Here in a few weeks you won't have much time for sleep."
-I'm a freakin' stay-at-home-Mom to two children under 6yrs old. When on earth do you expect me to 'take it easy' or 'get some rest'?!?!? Oh, and BTW, I haven't slept since 2003! So bite me! Then I punch them in the face.
...to be continued
-YES you Moron!
Then I punch them in the face.
"(with a sad, pathetic look on their face) Awwww, ANOTHER girl...well, maybe you can try again for a boy?"
-Uh, we weren't 'trying' for a boy. We just wanted another child.
Then I punch them in the face.
"No baby yet??? When are you due again?"
-Yeah, I had her last week. I'm just still a bit bloated.
Then I punch them in the face.
"You look great! You're all baby. I mean, the rest of you looks the same."
-I seriously doubt you mean that, and actually, unless I birth a 30lb baby, I DID gain everywhere else as well. But thanks.
Then I punch them in the face.
"(while making a tisk tisk sound with their mouth) Girl, I was there once. I know how you feel. When I was pregnant with my first son, he's 25yrs old now, I was as big as you."
-Really? Thanks.
Then I punch them in the face.
"Is this your first?" -No, third.
"Oh, well, how old are your other two?" -2 and 5.
"WOW, you're about to have your hands full!"
-No, really?
Then I punch them in the face.
"(this from a random male hair dresser or post office worker) So, are you going to deliver naturally or get a c-section?"
-First of all, I think you mean, 'Vaginally', go ahead, say it, 'V-A-G-I-N-A-L-L-Y.' It sounds like V-A-G-I-N-A. Vagina, vagina, vagina...BOO! Secondly, IT'S NONE OF YOUR STINKIN' BEEZ WAX, MISTER!!!
Then I punch them in the face.
"I bet it sucks being pregnant in the summer?"
-No, it's actually quite nice and comfortable. I wear a black swimsuit to the beach/pool and people throw raw fish at me because they think I'm Shamu. Then I punch them in the face.
"Sweety, you need to take it easy and get some rest. Here in a few weeks you won't have much time for sleep."
-I'm a freakin' stay-at-home-Mom to two children under 6yrs old. When on earth do you expect me to 'take it easy' or 'get some rest'?!?!? Oh, and BTW, I haven't slept since 2003! So bite me! Then I punch them in the face.
...to be continued
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