A friend of mine recently posted this as her status on Face Book:
____ is looking for the Cliff notes for "Parenting the Strong-Willed Child". I need help NOW!
My comment:
I read that book. Here's my solution: give the SWChild some M&M's, turn on Noggin/DisneyChannel/aDVD movie, pour yourself a glass of wine, go to your bedroom, shut the door, go into your bathroom, shut the door, go into your closet, shut the door, drink the wine and breath....cuz you're screwed. No book will help you. Welcome to the club.
I SOOOOO should write my OWN book. It would be titled
The Strong-Willed Mommy...how having children gave my Mom sweet REVENGE.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Can I getta Woot Woo!?!
Why YES, I can.
Last night I went out for a MUCH needed GNO with some of my friends.
During dinner, I made a solo visit to the ladies room.
Anxious to get back to my table of quirky friends I quickly cut through the bar section of the restaurant and then... it happened.
"Woot Woo!, Darn girl, you fine!"
So, can a girl in her thirties (ok, a Mama of two, not so much girl but low thirties) out on the town(ok, so we weren't 'out-on-the-town', we were just at a local steak house) still (still? as though I have to ask) turn heads (ok, so maybe he didn't say the 'darn girl you fine' part, but the 'Woot woo' really DID happen)?
I. THINK. SO.
Last night I went out for a MUCH needed GNO with some of my friends.
During dinner, I made a solo visit to the ladies room.
Anxious to get back to my table of quirky friends I quickly cut through the bar section of the restaurant and then... it happened.
"Woot Woo!, Darn girl, you fine!"
So, can a girl in her thirties (ok, a Mama of two, not so much girl but low thirties) out on the town(ok, so we weren't 'out-on-the-town', we were just at a local steak house) still (still? as though I have to ask) turn heads (ok, so maybe he didn't say the 'darn girl you fine' part, but the 'Woot woo' really DID happen)?
I. THINK. SO.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
2 AM REDEMPTION.
Last night, as S-O snuck into bed with John and I at 2 a.m., she snuggled up close and hugged my neck.
"Mommy, I love you. You smell good."
She's been redeemed.
"Mommy, I love you. You smell good."
She's been redeemed.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Ewwwww, GROSS!
Watching American Idol has become a family ritual in our household. S-O especially loves watching all the "silly goose" singers.
In one of last weeks episodes, they showed an AI wannabe in line waiting for his audition. He was a rather large fellow who thought it funny to lift his shirt and show his Man Breasts and hairy chest to all of America while sticking out his bright pink Gene Simmons tongue.
I shrieked, "Ewwww, Gross!"
S-O must have made a mental note of that moment.
Two days later, she walked into my bedroom while I was changing out of my pj's. I had just lifted my shirt over my head (and might I note, NOT sticking out my tongue) when she shrieked.
"Ewwwwww, GROSS!!!!!!!" and ran out of the room.
How's that for motivation to join a gym.
In one of last weeks episodes, they showed an AI wannabe in line waiting for his audition. He was a rather large fellow who thought it funny to lift his shirt and show his Man Breasts and hairy chest to all of America while sticking out his bright pink Gene Simmons tongue.
I shrieked, "Ewwww, Gross!"
S-O must have made a mental note of that moment.
Two days later, she walked into my bedroom while I was changing out of my pj's. I had just lifted my shirt over my head (and might I note, NOT sticking out my tongue) when she shrieked.
"Ewwwwww, GROSS!!!!!!!" and ran out of the room.
How's that for motivation to join a gym.
A word of advice. Hypothetically.
If, HYPOTHETICALLY, you had an illness that was cured with a VERY PAINFUL dose of penicillin in your RIGHT buttock cheek, and your husband happened to return from a week long business trip the same day said illness was cured, and despite your craving desire to make out with your husband you waited the advised 48hours to lock lips with him so he would not contract said illness, and once the probationary period was over and you did give in to your lustful desires to the point that your mind was no longer on rational thinking.........
.
.
DO NOT...I REPEAT...DO NOT...NO WAY NO HOW...FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY AND CHOCOLATE....PLEASE HEED MY WARNING AND DO NOT....DON'T...CAUTION...BEWARE....DO NOT...
.
.
.
Do not...lean to the side, RIGHT butt cheek in the air, and say (even jokingly, please I warn you) to your husband, "I've been a bad girl, I need a spanking."
.
.
DO NOT...I REPEAT...DO NOT...NO WAY NO HOW...FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY AND CHOCOLATE....PLEASE HEED MY WARNING AND DO NOT....DON'T...CAUTION...BEWARE....DO NOT...
.
.
.
Do not...lean to the side, RIGHT butt cheek in the air, and say (even jokingly, please I warn you) to your husband, "I've been a bad girl, I need a spanking."
Saturday, January 24, 2009
25 interesting things about me
Someone sent me this on facebook and I thought this was a more appropriate place to post my list since less people will see it here than on fb. These are in no particular order
1. My husband and I started "officially" dating on 9/11/01.
2. The "O" in S-O's name is my late grandmothers name. I think about her every day and wish I had spent more time with her as an adult.
3. One of the best gifts my husband has EVER given me is a heated blanket. He knows how much I HATE being cold and thought about buying me one for several months until he found the right one. He brought it home on a random Tuesday night. There's more to the story, but that's all you need to know.
4. I am not as confident as I seem.
5. I weigh about 25lbs more than I'd like to.
6. My nose is really big and I've felt that way since I was 12years old and a boy (who shall remain nameless) dumped me because of it.
7. I used to be a REALLY bitchy person with few "true" friends. Now, I'm just occasionally bitchy, have lots of friends, and even have a few "true" ones.
8. I wear my socks inside out because I don't like to feel sock lint on my toes.
9. I'm the messiest person with undiagnosed OCD that I've ever met.
10. I'm a germaphobe.
11. Flying, or planning trips that involve flying, gives me anxiety attacks (see #10)
12. I'm always late, which makes me anxious, which drives my kids and husband crazy everytime we are getting ready to go somewhere.
13. I have a dry, and sometimes twisted, sense of humor.
14. There are few people who truely "get" me.
15. I internalize other people's problems to the point that I try and solve them just to give my mind a rest.
16. Before I had kids, if I witnessed a car wreck (or even came up on one) I would ALWAYS stop and sit with accident victims until the ambulance got there. I wonder if I should have been a paramedic.
17. I hate cleaning the kitchen, but when I do, the dishes have to be put in the dishwasher in a certain way and there is no room for alteration.
18. Parasailing in Mexico was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. Swimming with the sea turtles, sting rays, and fish the size of my leg ranks up there too. Oh yeah, and the birth of my daughters.
19. I love fabric.
20. Several of my paintings have spent time in local galleries back in Houston.
21. I'm amazed by my daughters on a daily basis.
22. I secretly wish to dress goth.
23. I won a dance contest at a bowling alley when i was 21.
24. When I worked at an urban radio station in Houston, I did the voice over intro for the evening DJ. My script: "T-Gray, it's 7 o'clock...tear it up, Baby."
25. I see my photography work as God using me to connect people's experiences with their memories.
1. My husband and I started "officially" dating on 9/11/01.
2. The "O" in S-O's name is my late grandmothers name. I think about her every day and wish I had spent more time with her as an adult.
3. One of the best gifts my husband has EVER given me is a heated blanket. He knows how much I HATE being cold and thought about buying me one for several months until he found the right one. He brought it home on a random Tuesday night. There's more to the story, but that's all you need to know.
4. I am not as confident as I seem.
5. I weigh about 25lbs more than I'd like to.
6. My nose is really big and I've felt that way since I was 12years old and a boy (who shall remain nameless) dumped me because of it.
7. I used to be a REALLY bitchy person with few "true" friends. Now, I'm just occasionally bitchy, have lots of friends, and even have a few "true" ones.
8. I wear my socks inside out because I don't like to feel sock lint on my toes.
9. I'm the messiest person with undiagnosed OCD that I've ever met.
10. I'm a germaphobe.
11. Flying, or planning trips that involve flying, gives me anxiety attacks (see #10)
12. I'm always late, which makes me anxious, which drives my kids and husband crazy everytime we are getting ready to go somewhere.
13. I have a dry, and sometimes twisted, sense of humor.
14. There are few people who truely "get" me.
15. I internalize other people's problems to the point that I try and solve them just to give my mind a rest.
16. Before I had kids, if I witnessed a car wreck (or even came up on one) I would ALWAYS stop and sit with accident victims until the ambulance got there. I wonder if I should have been a paramedic.
17. I hate cleaning the kitchen, but when I do, the dishes have to be put in the dishwasher in a certain way and there is no room for alteration.
18. Parasailing in Mexico was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. Swimming with the sea turtles, sting rays, and fish the size of my leg ranks up there too. Oh yeah, and the birth of my daughters.
19. I love fabric.
20. Several of my paintings have spent time in local galleries back in Houston.
21. I'm amazed by my daughters on a daily basis.
22. I secretly wish to dress goth.
23. I won a dance contest at a bowling alley when i was 21.
24. When I worked at an urban radio station in Houston, I did the voice over intro for the evening DJ. My script: "T-Gray, it's 7 o'clock...tear it up, Baby."
25. I see my photography work as God using me to connect people's experiences with their memories.
2 Large Domino's pizzas for $3
We ordered pizza last night. Carry out. They said it would be ready in 15min.
I live about 10min. away. So I left to pick them up immediately after calling.
There were 2 men paying for 3 pizzas in line ahead of me.
They looked as though they just got off of work from either a construction site, dirt pit, or some other really grimey line of business.
Grimey Guy #1 (emptying out his pocket): Well, I thought I had a few more dollars in this pocket.
Grimey Guy#2 (handing guy #1 some change): This is all I've got man. We're going to have to leave one of these behind (as he patted the 3 pizza boxes in front of him).
Grimey Guy #1 (looking at the young cashier girl): Sorry Miss, but we only have enough for the 2 pizzas. How much do we lack?
Young Cashier Girl: $3.85
Grimey Guy #2: OH, WAIT, I just found another dollar (as he handed the young cashier girl another dollar.
Grimey Guy #1: Well, I guess I could....Miss could you put the $2.85 on my credit card.
OK. Stop right there.
I couldn't stand it. I pulled out $3 (which was a miracle in itself since I NEVER carry cash) and handed it to Grimey Guy #1 and said, "Don't put $3 on your credit card."
He thanked me several times. I told him he was welcome. That was that.
When I got to the front of the line Young Cashier Girl informed me that they lost my order and it would be another 15 min. before it was ready. I thought of my hungry kids and husband at home and said ok, I'd wait.
While I was waiting I realized they didn't give me receipt when I had handed them my debit card earlier. I went up to the desk and told Young Cashier Girl that I think they forgot to give me a receipt. Just then, she handed me my pizzas and said...
"You don't have a receipt because I didn't charge you. They are FREE since you had to wait."
I almost cried. I couldn't believe they gave me my pizzas for FREE just because I had to wait an extra 8 minutes!!! That was so freakin sweet of her!!!
Thus, my story of 2 Large pizzas for $3.
I live about 10min. away. So I left to pick them up immediately after calling.
There were 2 men paying for 3 pizzas in line ahead of me.
They looked as though they just got off of work from either a construction site, dirt pit, or some other really grimey line of business.
Grimey Guy #1 (emptying out his pocket): Well, I thought I had a few more dollars in this pocket.
Grimey Guy#2 (handing guy #1 some change): This is all I've got man. We're going to have to leave one of these behind (as he patted the 3 pizza boxes in front of him).
Grimey Guy #1 (looking at the young cashier girl): Sorry Miss, but we only have enough for the 2 pizzas. How much do we lack?
Young Cashier Girl: $3.85
Grimey Guy #2: OH, WAIT, I just found another dollar (as he handed the young cashier girl another dollar.
Grimey Guy #1: Well, I guess I could....Miss could you put the $2.85 on my credit card.
OK. Stop right there.
I couldn't stand it. I pulled out $3 (which was a miracle in itself since I NEVER carry cash) and handed it to Grimey Guy #1 and said, "Don't put $3 on your credit card."
He thanked me several times. I told him he was welcome. That was that.
When I got to the front of the line Young Cashier Girl informed me that they lost my order and it would be another 15 min. before it was ready. I thought of my hungry kids and husband at home and said ok, I'd wait.
While I was waiting I realized they didn't give me receipt when I had handed them my debit card earlier. I went up to the desk and told Young Cashier Girl that I think they forgot to give me a receipt. Just then, she handed me my pizzas and said...
"You don't have a receipt because I didn't charge you. They are FREE since you had to wait."
I almost cried. I couldn't believe they gave me my pizzas for FREE just because I had to wait an extra 8 minutes!!! That was so freakin sweet of her!!!
Thus, my story of 2 Large pizzas for $3.
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